We have a beautiful mirror, I use it to write cleverly crafted menus on for dinner parties and inspirational thoughts for life. It's pretty.
Since we've moved into our temporary home in Bend it's been sitting in the corner a bit forlorn and ignored. It dawned on me a couple weekends back that the quote that was still on it, had been there for too long. The last few months my life, our life, our path has been changed & reordered to a state of complete and utter lost.
I don't expect you to understand the words of my poem, there are times that the musings of my heart are too deep to grasp. I wrote this poem in response to that mirror, understanding when I wrote it that a paradigm shift had taken place in our lives and extreme refocus was about to happen.
The truth is, things have been hard, quite hard. As a result there has been some serious cultivating going on in both Bill & I's soul.
"When I wrote it, we'd come to a place.
A place that came from a time of trial, testing, pain and regret.
We've got to move forward, move on, move away and try;
Try so hard to find a life, finally, find a life that we love.
We had had it, those years; all of them they were ours, him working so hard to provide, to love us, he did it so well. He's so so good. Then they left, God graciously gave them the lives we'd prayed for them for so many years. And if He hadn't, we had the resources to provide, we could take care of them.
So we had thought.
The track, the path, the stones; they seemed set, laid in a place were it was okay, we could move on.
That trial, it was a hard one. Our faith together was rocked so hard, we changed, she changed, she cussed so much more, her grace it grew so less, who was this woman? So long filled with patience, beauty and love, a heart that gives, she grew cold and lost.
She watched him be used, and then grow cold and lost just as she had become. The only hope it seemed was flee, start over, find warmth and try again. Find that life; a life designed, that they would love.
We sought, we prayed, we dreamed, we wished, we found, we dreamed, we leapt, we plunged.
Then it crashed, everything around them, the bursts of the fourth were watched with tears. Where is life going, what have we done, what do we do?
The beginning of the lost, the doubt, the questions, the fear, the trials. They come in, they envelope, they consume and overtake. They go on, too long, too long for the two to bear.
There's this, there is that and then what would we do. Oh my, my my my. What is this, what is that, what are we doing?
This life, the one we are designing and attempting to dream, so wanting to love, just last year; 'tis the life that we loathed.
Dear God, for your help I do pray."
What the mirror had said, "And One Day They Decided, to Design a Life that They Love."
The poem was my understanding and acceptance of what that would be. The truth is Oregon is staying our home, we have chosen to embrace, plant our life, be thankful for and love the place that the Good Lord has chosen to place us. We pray that in our weakness his strength will be revealed.
The mirror; it's moving to Portland with Laura.
